The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
