Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
you never un-have a 4some
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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