is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's the barista slut.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
