the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
