i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
