This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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