the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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