I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
