Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
