I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
