I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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