Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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