I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
