one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
