You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
