I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
