i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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