yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
