Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
