I am puke
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
