Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
