DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
