Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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