We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
