There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
