I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
