Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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