I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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