Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Less talking, more tequila
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize