I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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