He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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