i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
