Cold hands, warm shart.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
