If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
