afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize