Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
