you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
