My room smells like vodka and shame
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
