weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize