Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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