He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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