I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
