Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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