i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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