Dual....:-)
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
