time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
