She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
