you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
