Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
