i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
