Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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