Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
