he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
