You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
