help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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