I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
