i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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