If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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