this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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