chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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