the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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