i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
