Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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