We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize