I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
