he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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