ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
