no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
