thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
