I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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