my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
