Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
