he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
