The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
