I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
