Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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