he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
