Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
