Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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