i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
