I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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