what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize